Would you like kiwi with that?: How to sled on a volcano

About a month ago I was talking to my friend Sarah and we decided that we missed snow. She's originally from New York and is having the same problem that Peter and I have: winter just doesn't feel like winter down here. Since winter was coming to a close we decided to go find snow, since it will never snow in Auckland. Ever. This is how you go about sledding on the north island of New Zealand, much of which is technically in the subtropics and mostly sits close to sea level.

Step 1: Find some snow.

The central plateau in the centre of the North Island and has a couple of free-standing active volcanoes that accumulate snow during the winter. They're beautiful, steep, free of fences and trees (a must-have if you're used to sledding in Montana) and the snow is deep enough to cover the rocks. This last requirement is one of my biggies, as I now have a deformed tailbone thanks to a poorly chosen sledding run when I was a kid. Mt Ruapehu in Tongariro National Park has all of these required elements. Yes, this is where they shot the Mordor scenes for Lord of the Rings. The volcano on the left is Mt Doom, also known as Mt Ngauruhoe to us locals. Just had to get that out of the way. And no, we didn't see any orcs, just tourists.

Step 2: Be prepared to drive.

Unfortunately, the closest sledding mountain sits about a 4-hour drive south of Auckland. We wanted maximum quality time on the slopes, so we packed up our gear in the van and took off Friday after work. This wasn't a bad idea, as the weather report predicted the first rain-free weekend for 8 weeks. This was a bad idea, though, because everyone and their dogs were heading out of town for the rain-free weekend, too. Auckland traffic is notoriously slow and prone to clogs, so be sure to have an iPod and an iTrip. If you can manage it, get stuck behind a camper van with a 12 year old boy in the back who is prone to exhibitionism. This helps to pass the time.

Step 3: Find someplace to stay with a fireplace in the lobby.

After a few phone calls before we took off we found what probably were the last two rooms in the neighbouring township of National Park. There was plenty of parking by the time we rolled in at 11:30 pm. One room was tiny with a train-sized bathroom but came with the standard-issue water kettle, cups and tea/instant coffee set; the toilet paper holder fell off the wall upon first use but was of otherwise of impeccable design.

The second room was a dorm room with a train-sized bathroom and came with the standard-issue drunken youngsters who try to climb into bed with you at 1:30 in the morning. They were drunk enough to be harmless, so Sarah had an easy enough time kicking one of them into submission and, subsequently, his own bed. Have I mentioned that Sarah and Mark are freakishly nice friends for giving us the private room?

Needless to say, the fireplace in the lobby, nestled comfortably between the bar and a coffee cart, made the stay for us.

Step 4: Find some snow pants, gloves, sleds and sun cream.

Most of the businesses in National Park cater to people like us: they know enough about frolicking in the snow to be inclined to get the proper gear, but don't use the stuff enough to actually own it. A super-waxed toboggan, snow pants and gloves will cost you a grand total of $40, which is the price of dinner for two out if you don't get something to drink. Not a bad deal. The people who worked at the particular shop we visited were friendly ski bums who came from all over, including Canada and the US. Don't worry about having to rent stuff when you want to play in the snow here. You'll be well looked after and will be given the best and most waxed sleds they have. Do slather on the sun cream frequently. If you think goggle face is bad in the US, try sledding under that hole in the ozone. And wear your sun glasses.

Step 5: Make sure you fit in by looking cool and cruising the lift areas. Carry your sled with pride.

After a shuttle ride up to the lifts because the only parking was down below the snow line, we were ready to go. The reception area close to the shuttle drop-off swept past the building where you could buy lift tickets and rent gear if you didn't already have it. This is also where you stock up on ego, so we got a little before getting to the snow. One must strut if one expects to be taken seriously.

Step 6: Stake out your own place on the mountain.

Whether you have to climb up the mountain under the lift because you're too tough to buy a pass, or you get forced off of the groomed sledding hill by paramedics dragging the corpses of tourists away, find some open space. This will allow you to establish your dominance on the mountain and practice your more daring tricks. Sarah and I are working our way up to the Women's Doubles Tobogganing event for the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Mark is the king of the spinning descent and Peter proved to have ultimate control. We clearly still had what it took even after all of this time.